the first

i think i have been somewhat putting off writing this because i feel like i have so much to say and i didn't even know where to start. i guess first i'll jot down the details of my lesson.

i had to "dump" the original surf coach i contacted and i didn't hear back from the other people i e-mailed so friday led me down a google path and i am happy to say my new surf coach, richard, is a winner! FINALLY, someone in the surf industry has worked out for me. in retrospect, i'm pretty bummed at how my first two lessons went with my original guy- i think he had really good intentions but no idea how to teach someone to surf as i spent the majority of two hours getting thrown off the board and bobbing around in the ocean without a clue and that's all we really did.

initially i was really let down when richard said that my board would not work for our lesson and at 9 ft, it was too short for me. i mean, i spent a lot on that thing and i'm really attached to it at this point. i think at a certain point, surfers go through so many boards that they forget the initial monogamous relationship! i don't think i could let go of this board! i saw us going all the way together! he said to bring it down anyway though and honestly, i knew he was very experienced so i just wanted to listen to what he said. there was a high school surf contest going on at the hook, which actually helped because traffic and parking were really easy. i met up with richard in the parking lot and he looked over my board and said he would prefer we use the one he had for the lesson, which turned out to be an 11' enormous block of foam. HUMBLING. haha.  we brought my board too and he used it and quickly went over the basics of surfing and popping up, which i pretty much knew and went right in the water and started going for waves!

obviously, the experience on the mega floaty board was way different. i could actually feel myself speedily paddling the thing and sitting up on it was like nothing. i got some good pointers on sitting far back on the board while sitting up in order to rotate quickly to catch oncoming waves and richard pointed out everything going on in the ocean and with the surfers around us. luckily, there were maybe 6 other people there? some young girls, some older guys on SUPs, you get the idea. so right off he says we're gonna catch waves and ride them, like, REAL waves and wow i was blown away just by that. so first i was kinda lying down, then i kinda tried going to my knees and fell, then i got to my knees, then i tried standing and fell.. my coach was REALLY encouraging and kept telling me i was doing great and i really barely had time to question stuff, which is good for neurotic mind! i mean the board was HUGE and really stable but i mentally had to get over the barrier/fear of the unknown with standing up.

kinda silly right? i've been working for months towards this goal and i didn't even know if i'd like it! the crazy thing was that the conditions were SO good  and the rides were SO LONG and fun. it was seriously a blast just being out there. i saw my first dolphin out in the water! so i started getting tired and i had the luxury of being towed in by richard (take that, laird! human surf taxis!) instead of having to keep paddling out so a good wave came and i could feel that burst of speed and it just kept going so i took my sweet time getting up the nerve and i stood and rode the wave! YAY!! i thought i was going to pass out from the adrenaline! it was SO RAD! like conquering nature and flying over water! i was in total shock and apparently looking around like i couldn't believe it! haha. i definitely think part of me thought it would never happen.

so after the big moment came, he said we shoudl go out on a high note. the hour flew by! and i'm glad we did, because i didn't realize how tired i was until we had to climb 4 flights of stairs to get up to the parking lot and i was like barely alive but just like so running on stoke it was ridiculous.

i realize that like... the average person does get up and stand their first lesson but this wasn't crumbly little white water like most people go in! real awesome point break wave! richard said a million times i did great and gave me a congratulatory hug and i could tell he was really happy for me that i got to finally actually "surf" a wave. we talked some more about my board and he said he could see that i couldn't really carry or store a bigger board and it would just take a lot of time for me to be able to surf my board. can't lie- i'm bummed. i have gotten REALLY terrible advice from surf shops- and it doesn't even make sense bc big boards are more expensive! more money! i can't believe some dudes tried to sell me a 7'8" board!  i mean, guys over 200 lbs surf 6' boards so i don't think it's crazy that a size 16 woman can surf a 9' board.

at least i got a taste of the rewards to come and i think if i keep up a monthly lesson or so, i can work on real surfing stuff w/richard and then on weekends go out on my board and keep trying to build fitness and paddling strength. i'm definitely NOT there and get tired too quickly. our lesson was really fast paced (total money's worth!) but i do enjoy just sitting outside on my board and enjoying floating away from the world.

my hesitation in standing, even on basically a foam barge, definitely taught me that i don't fully believe in myself. i should have been going all the way on EVERY wave. i should have been trying to stand up EVERY time. i practice pop-ups every day and it totally flew out of my head because of my fear.. of looking stupid? i always look stupid. all beginners look stupid. hell, even pros look stupid sometimes. fear of falling into water? nope. falling into water is nothing. so what is it? i think it's ultimately i feel like i don't belong in the surfing world and i'm waiting for something to prove it to me. i am used to dreaming big and then being let down by reality. it really makes me sad but i think every time i get in the water and keep going, the more i can shake off the past and prove to myself that i can come through.